The periodic microphases that self-assemble in systems with competing short-range attractive and long-range repulsive (SALR) interactions are structurally both rich and elegant. Significant theoretical and computational efforts have thus been dedicated to untangling their properties. By contrast, disordered microphases, which are structurally just as rich but nowhere near as elegant, have not been as carefully considered. Part of the difficulty is that simple mean-field descriptions make a homogeneity assumption that washes away all of their structural features. Here, we study disordered microphases by exactly solving a SALR model on the Bethe lattice. By sidestepping the homogenization assumption, this treatment recapitulates many of the key structural regimes of disordered microphases, including particle and void cluster fluids as well as gelation. This analysis also provides physical insight into the relationship between various structural and thermal observables, between criticality and physical percolation, and between glassiness and microphase ordering.